Last week, while driving home from visiting a “friend”, I noticed how uneasy I felt. My mind refused to settle and my thoughts swirled around like a hurricane in my head. A chemical attack in my brain; so many questions with very little answers. I hadn’t seen this friend in a while and thought I’d reach out l, but the recluse in me always regrets reaching out, especially when people don’t meet my expectations, or worse, disappoint me.
It was just a regular day; Sabali and I went downstairs to collect our Uber Eats. But as this toddler would have it, mom is forever chasing her around. She has this new obsession with running out into the street whenever we’re outside. Instinctively, I grabbed her by the hand and lifted her from the street onto the pavement. The sharp shriek from her cry as I put her down let me know that I had hurt her. Panic set in immediately and I picked up my baby and hurried upstairs. Fortunately, a friend was visiting that day and reminded me to calmly find a solution.
It’s a few minutes into 2018 when my then-boyfriend decided he’d like to become my fiancé. He reached into the cupboard where the ring was stashed. I knew where it was and had tried it on a couple of times. I should’ve known by the lacklustre proposal, among other things, that the relationship would eventually end in tears.
The effects of alcohol have reared it’s ugly head in my life since I was a little girl. Their stumbling feet, struggling to find their way. Heavy tongues forcing me to decipher broken sentences. I’m not much of a drinker myself but having witnessed a father and a romantic partner who struggled with control issues related to alcohol, I’ve experienced the detrimental consequences of the disease that alcoholism is. The first time my ex held our daughter, he had alcohol on his breath. I’ve been sober around the drunks and let me tell you; it’s bizarre and messy!
It’s 2017 and I’m seated across a clairvoyant a colleague had recommended, balling my eyes out. I’d decided to spend my well earned cash on some psychic insights. I thought that this woman could somehow make sense of the telenovela that had become my life.
You see; my boyfriend had cheated on me. The 5 Ws and H about that story will have to be another blogpost, but it broke my heart and I was desperate for some sort of reassurance that we could move past this lustful indiscretion.
I decided to share the news of my pregnancy with close friends and colleagues very early into my first trimester. I’d manifested my baby and I didn’t feel as though sharing THE BIG NEWS had an inception date, especially when sharing with people close to me. The news caught wind at work and an incident occurred with a manager who insinuated that I shouldn’t have shared this so early on. Some words were had and I felt gutted. Talk about trying to steal someone’s joy.