I stood in the isle for what felt like forever; looking at prices and sizes, comparing and scanning with Sabali running around touching things on the shelves that she shouldn’t. I finally settled on the Clicks Made 4 Baby dry-protect which retails at R155.00 for a 36 pack.
Experiencing 365+ days without any form of intimacy has been introspective. My celibacy practice wasn’t intentional from the beginning, after separating from my child’s father; the days turned into months and now I’m a year in.
Last week, while driving home from visiting a “friend”, I noticed how uneasy I felt. My mind refused to settle and my thoughts swirled around like a hurricane in my head. A chemical attack in my brain; so many questions with very little answers. I hadn’t seen this friend in a while and thought I’d reach out l, but the recluse in me always regrets reaching out, especially when people don’t meet my expectations, or worse, disappoint me.
It was just a regular day; Sabali and I went downstairs to collect our Uber Eats. But as this toddler would have it, mom is forever chasing her around. She has this new obsession with running out into the street whenever we’re outside. Instinctively, I grabbed her by the hand and lifted her from the street onto the pavement. The sharp shriek from her cry as I put her down let me know that I had hurt her. Panic set in immediately and I picked up my baby and hurried upstairs. Fortunately, a friend was visiting that day and reminded me to calmly find a solution.
It’s a few minutes into 2018 when my then-boyfriend decided he’d like to become my fiancé. He reached into the cupboard where the ring was stashed. I knew where it was and had tried it on a couple of times. I should’ve known by the lacklustre proposal, among other things, that the relationship would eventually end in tears.
The effects of alcohol have reared it’s ugly head in my life since I was a little girl. Their stumbling feet, struggling to find their way. Heavy tongues forcing me to decipher broken sentences. I’m not much of a drinker myself but having witnessed a father and a romantic partner who struggled with control issues related to alcohol, I’ve experienced the detrimental consequences of the disease that alcoholism is. The first time my ex held our daughter, he had alcohol on his breath. I’ve been sober around the drunks and let me tell you; it’s bizarre and messy!